Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Beauty Runs in the Family!

So for Girl's Night Out this last weekend the seven of us + Grandma Carter +Aunt Renee + Cambria + Liz + Aunt Paula + Abby + some interloping men (Grandpa, Uncle Mitch, Matt, Baby Ben) went to support Emily in the Utah's Junior Miss Pageant! We went on the final night and Emily was in the talent portion of the program. I was so thrilled to see how great she did! She looked so elegant and sophisticated and when she played her piece on the piano she rocked the house! I was so impressed. That was the best moment of the evening!However after the 45 minute "Entertainment Portion" provided by last years winners I think I reached my fill of pageant attending until the next time a cousin is in one! (this is my third family related pageant). Don't get me wrong the winner from last year was also the winner at the American Junior Miss and was talented. I repeat, she was super talented and by golly she was going to drive that point home with a 200 lb sledge hammer or a 45 minute love fest. (I think I would have preferred the quick hit with the sledge hammer)
One thing that I really found true about hanging with the beauty pageant crowd was it makes you very catty! Not like "oh look at the cute kitty" catty but more like wrinkle your nose "Did you see her shoes?" catty. Which is really disturbing because I really know nothing about shoes.
Another odd thing about pageants. They call all the previous contestants "Has Been's" So I come to the second fun part of the evening (the first being Emily, remember?) Well at one point the emcee (Has Been from 2002) asked all the other Has Been's in the audience to please stand up. Well. Apparently. Someone, who shall remain nameless, decided that she was very much a "Has Been" so she stood up. She stood up and waved. For what seemed like a long time. Much to the distress of her much more humble sisters both of whom were beet red!

So I decided that I would do some research to see if this person was truly a "Has Been" It turns out she is! Here are the highlights.

Here we see our contestant in the application stage where she talked about all her charity work that she has been doing with a polygamist sect from Eagle Mountain. She even dressed in their clothes to make them realize that she is just one of the little people. Look at that poor girl on the right. She must be like a 4th wife. The little boy does look a little neglected.
Here she is at that scholastic interview portion of the pageant! Which for those of you who are "Never Been's" happens behind closed doors in apparently a very dark and somewhat frumpy place. Here is our contestant (still nameless) in the evening wear portion of the pageant. Apparently she thought the other contestant had stolen her shoes. Oh wait they had the exact same pair. My mistake. Anyhow I don't know what the other contestant did to get that glare. Your guess is as good as mine but it was probably something catty!
Here she is at the physical fitness portion of the pageant where all the girls do the same routine and try hard not to let the sweat run onto their large white teeth as they grin ceaselessly at the judges. And finally the part that kicked her over the edge. Her talent. Our contestant had the very original talent of the Umbrella Dance. It involved a series of complicated wrist gyrations not to mention the all important opening and closing of the umbrella! All of course was set to music!
I don't know about you but I am relieved that I can call her a "Has Been" without any hesitation as to her worthiness! By the way... did you see her shoes?

18 comments:

Tiffany said...

Oh, Kelli. You have hit a home run. My sides are hurting from laughter. So, so, so funny.

Angie said...

So good. I have to ask though, did Tricia really stand up and wave with the has-beens? If so, then I have a whole new respect for that girl - so funny.

You're right about pagents making you catty. I almost hate every girl on the stage, and for no reason.

cbleeflang said...

Kelli, I LOVE reading your blog! Thank you for making me smile. I wish I could have been there with the family.

Kelli said...

Angie, She actually did stand up and wave. Gutsy huh?

Brenny said...

That. Was. AWESOME. She's got my vote. Or had my vote (since she's a 'has been')? The shoes clinched it. Oh man. That was priceless -- and how cool is Trisha that she stood up.

How did your cousin do?

Jacqui said...

What a riot. I can't believe she stood up. Thanks for the laughs

Kaile and Cambria said...

Kelli, I love your blog! Those pictures are amazing!

Nee said...

oh Kelli, I am laughing so hard at those pictures of you & Tricia that Carter just ran up the stairs to see what the heck was going on. This reading of blogs is a scream....I can't wait to see what happens next week.
That picture of your 2 (from trek I presume) is the greatest polygamist shot ever. My mouth hurts from smiling so much. Thanks for the memories.

Sheri said...

Trisha is my kind of gal... I think I would have done it with her!! Has beens... really?!

Anonymous said...

Amazing gal. I hear she won BEST LEGS!!! She is the greatest "has been" I have ever seen.

Anonymous said...

It's sad to admit, but as the husband of this once "has been" pageant queen, (Winner of 1990-1991Double Wide Trailer Beauty Queen Contest) I get to relive the whole pageant experience at least once a week as she gathers the family together to watch reruns of her past pageant experiences. (Usually during family night) Currently, she is preparing for the 2010 “My Legs Are Hotter than Yours” pageant. Good luck to my lovely wife, I know she will do well and someday she will stand again and wave to the crowds of people as a “has been”.

A. said...

This was the first thing I did upon arriving home. I laughed so hard I almost cried! What a perfect way to end the day!

Miranda said...

I haven't laughed this hard for months. No joke. Seriously I am dying. She did not seriously stand up and wave. I am dying. Those pictures are CLASSIC. You two are classic! You, catty? I totally don't get that. Really. You are just too much fun and so down to earth! Love you and will miss you at the blessing.

Jay Leno said...

Kelli, you are sooooooooooooooo funny. I totally can't believe it -- you should write blogs every hour on the hour. I could just sit in my PJs everyday and read and read...classic stuff.

Although it may not be too hard when Tricia is your sis. Lots and lots of material. Stay at it and soon you can take your show on the road.

Just be sure to wear that cute dress that you and your sister are wearing in the pic. That dress is a stunner.

Teacher Preacher said...

Dear Kelli,
What a way to take a family experience and turn it in to good fun and many laughs. You are not taking earth life too seriously and as a result you are blessing the lives of many with laughter and bringing forward many good memories and reaching out to touch many lives. It's a highlight for me everytime I tune in to "Happy are we!"
Love you, Mom

Robin Fisher said...

What a great laugh.

Caroline said...

Kelli what would we do without those little sisters coming up behind to push us with their unsolicited competition! Love the old photos. Your blog would be only half as entertaining if you did not have Tricia to tease.

Marilee said...

Love you Kelli, and Trish probably deserved this.